My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
