you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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