you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
