I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
