OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
