Please, let me fuck your mom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
