I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
