Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
