I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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