why didn't you poke me back
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
