Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
