I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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