FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
