Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
