But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
