he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize