Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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