dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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