we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
