i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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