Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
