I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
