My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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