You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
