You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
