if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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