8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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