O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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