Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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