these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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