What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
