I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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