We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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