At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
