pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
