Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
