Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
