He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a search helicopter?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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