I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
