this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize