Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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