I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize