Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
