with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
