fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
