Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's the barista slut.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
