Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
