I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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