I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
