Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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