Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
