So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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