Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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