i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
