Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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