If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
