The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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