We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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