Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she smelled like a LAN party
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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