I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
