I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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