Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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