I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
