That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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