So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
