This is not my ceiling
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
