Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
