fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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