No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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