I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
