i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
