I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
