I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
