I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize