This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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