i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
