Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
