I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
