I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
