There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize