Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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