Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
