If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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