Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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