I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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