It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize