I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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