yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
