Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
