Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
