My nipple is on Facebook.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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