Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
